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APPARITION STARTS BARFIGHT

VENUE IN SHAMBLES - POLICE AT A LOSS

(April 1, 2023) Last night left locals stunned as what bystanders have coined "the apparition" appeared suddenly in an open space, bypassing security near the entrance of the bar, and proceeded to "float/walk" into the venue. Eyewitness accounts of the ghostly figure vary in description widely. Some claim to have seen a Japanese schoolgirl in streetwear, others claim to have seen a giant talking banana in a hat and tie. One thing everyone agrees on however, is that the figure in question was clearly inebriated.

The first few moments left most patrons stunned as the apparition attempted to communicate by flailing about. The bartender "Mick", a veteran of the nightlife community, worked to de-escalate the situation by informing the apparition that they were "likely muted" and to "check that their mic was set to the right output." After a few moments the figure finally began speaking in a shrill, high pitched voice. Tony, the staff member in charge of security for the evening recalls "We had no clue what was happening, it was like something out of Scooby Doo y'know?" Nevertheless, Tony and a fellow staff member did what they could to try and ask the ghostly patron to leave. "It clearly wasn't in a mood to be criticized, we tried to ask them nicely to leave, but our request was met with an impressive amount of slurs. Nobody talks about my mom like that." What happened next however left patrons stunned.

In the span of only a few moments, the hologram punched Tony's associate (who asked to remain anonymous) and proceeded to light the bar on fire with what was described as "cartoon flames that ignited anything they touched." In a panic, the staff worked to control the blaze as the offender tried to run. "Yeah, after setting the bar on fire, they kinda ran off in one direction and we heard this loud bang and they just kinda fell over. They crumpled to the floor and we attempted to help em' but when we got close they just disappeared."

Police responded to the scene after the blaze had been contained and were at a loss to identify the source and nature of the intruder. The responding officer advised people to "stay alert" and "Call 911 at the nearest sign of trouble" but were otherwise unable to verify any identifying information related to the individual that haunted the premises that evening.  

For a live re-enactment of these tragic events, visit: Drunkn Bar Fight on Steam